Headline WTF: Baltimore Sun Edition

"Blind Date wins Pearl Necklace at Laurel Park." LUCKY!! To think most people only win a bashful fondling or unsatisfying awkward good night kiss from a blind date.

Confusing, not clever

Hmm, which memoir should I read next? Preferably one about family ties that involves some degree of ummm... what is that suffering-type feeling? ANGUISH. ONE ANGUISH MEMOIR PLEASE. Oh wait, you can choose! The times aptly used the same headline formula "A 's Memoir, A 's Anguish" twice in one day for books dealing with, respectively, a son's drug addiction and a mother's alcoholism. Whoopsieee.

spotted by Heather K. McGuinness.

Reporting on "Fail" = nytFAIL

ZOMG did you hear that on the interwebz, those durned kids are using the word "Fail" more than they are sending inappropriate someecards during the workday??

"Time was, fail was simply a verb that denoted being unsuccessful or falling short of expectations. It made occasional forays into nounhood, in fixed expressions like without fail and no-fail. That all started to change in certain online subcultures about six years ago."

Ya see here, my sons and daughters, there was once a time when fail was not an over-used and cloying interjection/suffix proliferated on the Internet whenever someone or something went awry. Let us use it in a sentence: "Christopher Columbus failed to reach the East Indies. Rather, the land he discovered was what would become, one day, the U.S. of A." ColumbusFAIL. (DOH! Can't. help. self...)

They couldn't even resist their favorite trick -- self-referencing:

"...After the spread of the #CNNfail hashtag during Iran’s postelectoral strife, would-be media critics vented their wrath at other news outlets, generating such hashtags as #MSNBCfail, #FoxNewsfail and #NYTimesfail."

Let us note what this blog is plainly and purposely NOT titled.

wtf headline of the day

Seen in Home & Garden, made worse when espied on a feed reader:

"Faded Glory: Polishing Flint's Jewels"

HA. Ha! This is dumb because it sounds like they are talking about rhythmically rubbing and massaging some old dude's (named Flint, clearly) testicles. GET IT?!

Upon closer inspection, it is a not horrible but undoubtedly fluffed-up piece about buying and refurbishing cheap homes in Flint, Michigan. But to be honest, we didn't read it through, because clearly you open those pieces only to look at the photos of the often lavishly decorated/bizarro inner sanctums of the rooms featured in such stories. For example, this weird ass shit: hipster antiquarians who collect waaaay too many stuffed animals and turn their windowless apartments into something like a creepy lair for a horror movie villain.

even nyt writers say, "uggghhh wtf?!?!"

The Village Voice recently reprinted and Gawker pimped an anonymous rant from a NYT reporter about the paper's lack of actual... reporting.

"Times reporters who once kept a watchful eye on the doings and undoings of the numerous agencies supposedly serving the public are now scampering about the city on so-called non-stories, such as features and long background and mood pieces."

writes the malcontent.

This gem was published originally in 1964. Maybe the fluff has been with us all along, and stories about dog yoga are nothing new... Hmmm...

if you need this article, you don't deserve to be on FB

When I first came upon this in my Google reader, I assumed it was a mistake. One of those things that you stumble upon but is actually really old. Because there is no way, in August 2009, you could, as a national news source, be writing a "how-to" on the single most used and popular social networking website on earth. But alas, "How To Use Facebook: 5 Tips for Better Social Networking" was indeed posted just yesterday, for anyone out there who is thrown into an anxiety death spiral when they sign up for the so-ubiquitous-its-almost-passe Facebook.

Needless to say, the individuals fitting that description are your increasingly deaf and world-weary grandparents and George Bush. My favorite "tip" is "Brighten Up Your Profile With Photos and Videos." What -- are we expecting the in-laws over for dinner? Who wrote this article, Martha Stewart? No, clearly not, because I'm sure even SHE learned how to use facebook circa 2006.

Also, it should be painfully noted that the most popular punctuation in this piece is the (completely unnecessary) quotation mark.

NYT, WTF.

Emo Frosh "Romance Crushed" at Wes

Education Life: The U Issue. Because college students don't already think the world revolves around them enough as it is.

"College is a series of transformations — moments that change the way you view the world. And yourself. Where better to get a sense of this idealized passage than from the thick of it?"

I got such a great sense of what college is like from this Wes girl's essay about a one-night stand. Well, can you even really call it that if you're just making out to "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"? I don't even know where to begin. "Eternal Sunshine" is SO 2004. Also, who the eff watches that -- much less makes out to it -- on Valentine's Day, of all days? Girl should have seen this coming if that was his V-day film of choice, come on.

ALSO "He kissed me and I had everything I ever wanted." Really, extremely-intelligent-promise-of-the-future Wesleyan girl? Really?? Kissing some scrawny co-ed to the sound of a bonkers Kate Winslet on V-day was everything you ever wanted? Not, like, an extremely successful future life or to pay off your student loans or even something mundane like getting a really 3 a.m. food at Athenian after Thirsty Thursdays?

This happened to everyone we know. That doesn't make it universal, it makes it fucking sad. Difference being we just whined about it to our friends for like 2 weeks and then grew up and promised ourselves to never mention it again because it was lame, instead of publishing it in the NYTimes.